It doesn’t matter your age, nobody likes to be judged. Criticism is uncomfortable, yet it’s something everyone is forced to face time and time again.

I was talking with a dear friend only last week; a successful woman in her sixties who got to the top of her game in her career, who lead a department and managed a team of staff in a predominantly male-orientated workplace. This friend of mine has since retired and now gives her time to causes she cares about. She’s not a pushover. She’s not afraid to stand her ground and walk her own path, yet someone had come into her world and was calling her out on how she did things. She was being shunned for her creativity, told to step into a box that didn’t fit her, and talked about behind her back when she dared challenge this control.

It was tripping her up, taking the joy out of her day, and leaving her confused, unhappy, and unsure of what to do next.

Why Do Haters Hate?

Before I jump into the simple tips you can apply to deal with situations like this, let’s first crawl inside the heads of haters and look at what drives them to act this way in the first place.

First and foremost, it’s not about you, it’s about them.

When somebody has an issue with us, it’s a trigger in them. It’s their issue. I like to think of the expression: ‘hurt people hurt people’. If you think back to the last time you were triggered to gossip, get angry, or cast judgement towards someone, I’d bet my life on the fact your reaction was about where your head was at not theirs.

It was only this morning I got frustrated with a slow driver on the road. I cursed under my breath and cast assumptions on the kind of person they must be. Truth be told, I’d left home with not enough time to get to an appointment. I was stressed, running late, and felt hot and agitated due to my growing womb and today’s sweltering summer heat.

The issue was mine not his. He was simply enjoying a leisurely weekend drive.

Whilst we can all be prone to moments like this, there are some people whose motto in life is to moan and groan about everything! Whether you’re dealing with a perpetual party-pooper, or a loved one who is simply having a shitty day, here are a few things you can do to keep the smile on your dial, despite the darkness others may project towards you.

Point The Finger At Yourself Instead

The easy and all too common solution when we feel judged, is to point the finger at the person that has caused these feelings in us. We start to judge others for judging us… ironic right?

Instead of continuing the perpetual pattern of judgement that underpins so much of society, what if we instead took ownership of the way WE felt? After all, it’s the only thing we truly have any control over.

In the same way haters are triggered by their own wounds, our response to them is a product of ours. So with that in mind, let me break it down into 10 simple steps that help me to handle haters.

10 Simple Tips For Handling Haters

We’ve established that you have no control over the energy or judgement of others, so let’s instead look at the simple things you can do to avoid getting bogged down in their unsolicited opinions.

#1: Stop Retelling The Story

First things first, stop retelling the story. We often seek validation for uncomfortable feelings by telling others how we were wronged. This draws our focus towards what was done to us (something we have no control over) instead of taking ownership for what we can control. It’s a victim mentality that does nothing but multiply the feelings we already have around the incident and make us feel even more victimised. By reliving the judgement we are giving the event and the perpetrator our time, energy and power.

#2: Get It Out Of Your Head

If you need to get it out, write it out. Journal down all the feelings you have so they’re not in your head but on paper. This will prevent the rhetoric, and the dialogue that will continue once you engage in a conversation with someone who then has their own opinions to contribute. Try to end your journal entry by sending love and forgiveness to the person instead of more judgement.

#3: Foster Love Not Hate

It’s impossible to send love and hate towards the one person at the same time. Love dissolves hate. So if you want to dissolve the hate and sadness you’re feeling, send love instead. Acknowledge that everyone is doing the best with what they’ve been given (yes, even the haters), and their attitude, words, and actions are a product of their own inner dialogue not yours.

#4: Look In The Mirror

Take the time to get really clear about why you feel triggered, and use this as an opportunity to look inwards and grow. A good way to do this is to write out how you feel, and then reflect back on your writing once you’ve calmed down. Try to re-read your words as though they were someone else’s. When we remove ourselves from a situation and look at it as though it’s happening to someone else, we can get better insights into what’s actually going on.

#5: Get Clear On Your Why

When we get clear and focused on our reasons for doing things, and when those reasons are in alignment with our values and who we are, it becomes harder for others to squish our spirit. Think about it, if you know in your core that you’re a good person with a solid purpose, you’re unlikely to be triggered by the naysayers. Once you’ve worked out what your why is, write it down and have it on display. Put it on a sticky note on the bathroom mirror, make it your screen saver on your phone, set a reminder to pop up throughout the day - just be sure to keep it front and centre in your mind, one way or another.

#6: Love On You

Start treating yourself the way you would a dear friend. If a friend told you they were feeling hurt or judged, you’d fill them up with love, reassure them they were on the right course, and advise them not to listen to the judgement. Do this for yourself! Remind yourself you’re worthy and spoil yourself with flower, bubble baths, or whatever else floats your boat.

#7: Get A Cheer Squad

Surround yourself with cheerleaders who celebrate and spur you own! I found a tribe of inspiring and switched on souls about a year ago and they’ve been my saving grace. The best cheer squad are people who’ve done (or are doing) the work on themselves. They’re not as easily triggered by your actions because they are more secure in themselves.

#8: Learn To Say Thanks, But No Thanks

Everyone has an opinion, but that doesn’t mean you need to listen to it. Learn to say thank you, but no thank you. Not every well-meaning piece of advice or snarky underhanded remark needs to be debated. You have the power to be the bigger person and move on.

#9: Get Curious Not Furious

If you must engage in a dialogue, try to get curious instead of furious. Explore why someone has the opinions that they do, and you’ll probably discover how little it has to do with you and your actions.

#10: Keep That Smile On Your Dial

Like energy attracts like energy, so keep yours vibing high! Don’t let haters have the privilege of wiping that glorious smile off your dial. Remember that your energy speaks volumes, so make creating the right energy for yourself a daily practice!

When All Else Fails, Remember This:

Haters are just confused admirers.
Don’t take advice from someone you wouldn’t trade places with.
Opinions really are like assholes, everyone has one.
People will talk about you and judge, it’s unavoidable, so be sure to give them something to talk about!
If you’re making people uncomfortable, that’s them being triggered.
Anyone who says or does anything of great worth will come up against haters - if you’re getting a rise out of people, chances are you’re on the right track for greatness!

Simple Tips For How To Handle Haters