Book Excerpt: ‘I Feel Like A Fake’ by Tess Milton

There is so much vulnerability in my new book, I Feel Like A Fake, that I find I have to take a deep breath before I share any part of it.

And queue a deep breathe now…

I’m going to share a sneak peak with you here - the introduction to my book. It’s really hard to offer up just a snippet and show the real weight of what the pages hold, because this book isn’t just a collection of words for me; it’s a piece of my heart, laid bare for you. It is my most vulnerable, real, and raw piece of work yet.

In writing the book, it was my hope that the book would take the reader on a journey of self-discovery. In honesty though, the process of writing it was as much a journey for me.

I allowed myself to dig up and disclose a lot of war wounds, so that hopefully you’d have the courage to face your own hard truths too. I wanted you to feel less alone in your feelings of inadequacy and doubt, whilst showing you simple strategies you can implement right away. Things that can help you move towards a more confident you.

The process of writing this book, cemented many of these lessons for me. I’m confident it will do the same for you.

So, without further ado, here’s the intro.

And breathe Tess…

INTRODUCTION TO: I FEEL LIKE A FAKE

Want to hear something ironic? As I sit here at my computer in the dark and prepare to write this book, I feel like the biggest fraud in town! 

It was only a few hours ago that my first book officially hit the shelves – although by the time you’re reading this, it’ll likely have been months since my debut launch. The point is, in this very moment as I begin to pen my second book, my feelings of inadequacy are palpable.

In the hours that have passed since this self-publishing feat, I’ve been inundated with celebratory messages from family and friends in awe of my achievement. Yet despite the incredible support and feedback, I feel crippled with fear.

I feel like I’m standing naked on stage, in front of everyone.

It’s because this book I am beginning to write for you, the one that’s resting in your hands right now, will delve into the world of imposter syndrome and step you through how to overcome those feelings of inadequacy. Those feelings of fakeness and uncertainty.

Yet my mind is racing with thoughts of self-doubt. 

I mean, who do I think I am to teach other women how to rise above insecurity, when I myself am so well acquainted with the feeling? Who am I to write and publish a book - let alone two? What if people order my book, but hate it? What if it doesn’t resonate? What if my readers see that I too am not always confident, happy, or self-assured?

So as I sit here at midnight (you may have picked up that I like writing whilst my house sleeps), with an intense fear of failure rising up in my belly, I remind myself that feeling like a fake is in fact a superpower.

It allows me to fully understand the feeling of phoniness, just as you do. It allows me to sympathise with the impossibly high standards you set yourself, the crippling self-doubt you experience, and the fear you have of failing. It allows me to hand on heart, guide you through practical strategies that work, because I’ve used them (and clearly still do, or this book would never get written) to kick these inconvenient feelings to the curb.

You see, it’s not about never feeling like an imposter, or always oozing a confident charm. It’s about feeling all those layers of inadequacy, but having enough self-belief and strategy to still kick whatever goals float your boat.

That’s what this book is.

My personal stories of struggle, and the practical strategies that helped me conquer imposter syndrome, as well as boost my self-belief at the same time. Think of it like a double whammy for winning the war on those feelings of phoniness.

And as I write this book, I write it with my feet side-by-side with yours, as a fellow student not a teacher. These are my lessons learnt, spoken with absolute honesty, laid out raw and real, so that you can benefit.

Because it’s through the act of being vulnerable that I help you feel less alone, and hopefully, give you permission to be strong and vulnerable too. 

I have been on a lifetime journey of wading through BIG feelings. Firstly for my own growth, and now I am blessed to be able to help with yours.

Throughout this journey, I’ve come to believe that there are five common feelings that trip women up, and hinder happiness. Feeling like a fake is a big one (and the one we’re going to pick apart in this book), but it’s worth mentioning the other four, which I hope to delve into in subsequent books. These include feeling invisible, fearing judgement, the guilt of trying (and failing) to please everyone, and lacking confidence and self-belief. Each of these five feelings can have us second-guessing ourselves, and playing life small. 

If we can address these five areas, arming ourselves with simple strategies that we weave into our days to form lasting habits, then we are on the path to making happiness a habit.

In this book I pick apart the bones that make up imposter syndrome. Those fat coils of rope that wrap themselves around us like snakes and make it hard to breathe deeply. I’ll share with you how the feeling of phoniness has reared its ugly head for me time and time again - be it body image, relationships, work accomplishments, even coffee catch-ups with a group of mothers - this beast doesn’t discriminate, but it can be tamed. 

In the pages that follow, I will walk you through the foundations you need to understand about where imposter syndrome stems from, and then six real-life strategies for how to overcome it - things you can implement and get working for you right away. You will be better equipped to identify the ways in which this debilitating feeling can show up in your life, and be armed with the ammo needed to take it out.

Let’s go ladies…